Posted on October 3rd, 2023.

June 13th, 1964, I was born Timothy John Chandler to Howard and Shirley Chandler in Bennington Vermont. I was their third child. Fred was born in 1961 and Gwen was born in 1962.

Our parents had some tough times. When I was six months old, our mother was hospitalized due to postpartum depression. She was later admitted to a psychiatric ward. Our father was an alcoholic. The State of Vermont recognized that our father could not care for three young children and took Gwen and I into State’s custody. Fred being three years old, they allowed our father to care for him. After several months our mother was still in the institution and was not allowed contact with anyone on the outside.

Without her consent, Gwen and I were put up for adoption. We were both eventually adopted separately. Gwen first by a family from Woodstock. I was adopted at 22 months by Ronald and Madelyn Hamel of Windsor. I was their fifth and youngest child. They named me Daniel Joseph Hamel.

For sixteen months I was in State’s custody and to this day I do not know who taught me how to walk. Gwen and I grew up fifteen miles apart not knowing that each other existed for decades. Growing up I knew that I was adopted. As an adopted child you always want to know where you came from. It’s something inside of you, like a piece is missing and you want to find it.

When I was 29, I was working as a truck driver. My route took me to Bennington where I was born. I would go there every day and the curiosity grew day by day. At the time I was enthralled by the tv show Unsolved Mysteries. That show taught me how to begin my search. Before computers and internet, I walked into the Bennington Town Hall on my lunch break one day and asked if I could search through records to find out who I was.

I discovered who my birth parents were, my birth name and where my mother worked. The next day I went to the nursing home where she worked and walked into the laundry room. I asked the woman in there if she knew Shirley Chandler. I told her who I was and that I thought that she was my mother. The woman said, “I am so sorry but Shirley passed away three months ago. I knew that she had children taken away, she had told me the story.”

Before I could process what I had just heard, she added “You have brothers and sisters here in town, would you like to meet them?” She contacted Fred and arranged for us to meet. I drove to Bennington that Saturday and met Fred, Robin and Dennis. Robin, Dennis and Vivian were born after my mother was released from the hospital. She got her life back on track and they had three more children. Vivian was in need of special care so she could not be at the reunion. It was a miraculous day getting caught up and we reflected on how wonderful it would be to find Gwen. All the State would tell me was that Gwen now resided in New Hampshire. Ten years later, Gwen (now named Anne) found me and we were all reunited after nearly forty years.

Throughout my adult life I struggled with alcoholism. It cost me a lot before I hit rock bottom. On February 23rd, 2014, my wife at the time took me to a rehab that saved my life. By the end of 2014 she and I got divorced and had to rebuild my life financially. I was proud of my sobriety and knew if I could get sober I could survive anything.

In early June of 2021, I picked up my phone and looked at Facebook. I saw a post from my niece Vickie (Robin’s daughter) whom I had not seen since the reunion when she was a little girl. She posted that her nine year old son Kayden was diagnosed with stage 5 kidney disease. The doctor told them that he would not survive a waiting list, they needed to find a living donor as soon as possible.

My heart sank, this poor little boy was going to die if they couldn’t find him a kidney. I told myself, you have always wanted to be an organ donor, send her a message. I woke up the next day and wrote to Vickie. I know you don’t really know me, but I read your post last night. I am really healthy and I know I’m a lot older than Kayden, is there a chance my kidney would work? She asked me, would you do it if you could? I said absolutely. She said I will get you in touch with Brigham & Women’s Hospital and they will take it from there.

I filled out a questionnaire about my mental and physical history. I was very honest about my alcoholism. When they found out I hadn’t had a drink in seven years, didn’t smoke and took no medications, they said, “you are a viable candidate.” They coordinated with my local hospital for lab work. At the same time, Kayden was put on dialysis.

That first round of tests proved that I not only felt healthy, I really was healthy. My organs were strong including my liver that once was failing me. Both of my kidneys were in good working order also. Next was the blood draw for tissue typing. They drew six vials that were Fed Ex’d overnight to Brigham’s. The results would tell me if I was a match for Kayden. Eleven arduous days went by. On Friday morning I got a call from Brigham’s asking for permission to share the results with Kayden’s parents. I anxiously agreed.

That evening on my way home from work I got a text from Vickie saying, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER, YOU’RE A PERFECT MATCH. My eyes welled up with tears as I pulled over and called Vickie. We were both crying because we knew that this was going to happen.

The transplant was scheduled for Tuesday November 16th. I stayed the night before in a hotel down the street from the hospital with Robin. I was at the hospital at 5am. After I was admitted, she went over to be with Vickie and Kayden at Children’s Hospital. Strangely I felt calm and relaxed. I knew that my higher power had set me up to be able to do this, He wasn’t going to leave me now.

I don’t remember anything past the preop, the next thing I remember was waking up at 2pm in my room. I felt pain in my abdomen and moving was difficult but I was more concerned with how Kayden was doing. My cell phone was in my bag with my other possessions so I couldn’t reach out to anybody to tell them how I was doing or find out how Kayden was until 4pm when my bag finally arrived.

I got the answer I was hoping for, Kayden pulled through like a champion. I spent two nights in the hospital and on Thursday morning I was released. As I left the hospital, I went over to see Kayden. He was sitting up in a chair with tubes attached to him with Vickie by his side. I got to give and receive the biggest hugs ever. As long as his body didn’t reject the kidney, he had a very good prognosis. He was supposed to be hospitalized for fourteen days, but he was released in ten. They had to stay in a hotel close to the hospital because he had daily visits.

They got to go home for Christmas. It has been a long road for him. No child should ever have to suffer in pain or worry about dying. He lost two years of his childhood from being sick. Now he is growing and doing things kids should be able to do. He has some limitations but they don’t keep him from shining. Every time I see him, I see a part of me. I couldn’t take away his pain, but I could help him get past it.

We are coming up on two years since the transplant. I passed my lab tests, cleared by transplant guidelines and released from Brigham’s. Kayden has passed his checkup also. We celebrate his 12th birthday next month and I wouldn’t miss it.

Not a day goes by I don’t think of him. Some have called me a hero, I don’t think of myself as a hero. I am somebody who got a second chance at life and I was able to give Kayden a second chance. I would do it all over again. I had always wanted to be an organ donor, I just thought I was going to have to die to do it.