Posted on February 11th, 2026.

Talking with children about loss can feel incredibly delicate, especially when we want to protect them from pain.

Yet these conversations are often where trust and emotional understanding deepen the most. When we slow down and meet children where they are developmentally, hard topics can become more understandable and less frightening.

Every child’s view of the world is still taking shape. Their ideas about life, death, and change are built through daily experiences, familiar routines, and the adults they rely on.

When we keep explanations simple, honest, and grounded in what they already know, we give them a framework they can actually use. Our role is not to deliver perfect speeches; it is to stay present, listen carefully, and respond with clarity and warmth.

Helping Kids Understand Loss

Helping kids understand loss starts with recognizing how differently they think and feel at various ages. A preschooler who is just learning that things can be “gone” forever will not understand the concept the same way a nine-year-old does. When we adjust our language to match their stage, we reduce confusion and help them feel safer asking questions.

For very young children, short, concrete explanations work best. Instead of complex theories, we can connect loss to experiences they already know, such as when a pet fish stopped swimming or when a favorite stuffed animal was misplaced. These small but real moments offer a way to introduce the idea that things can change, end, and still be remembered with love.

With school-age children, we can add a bit more detail while keeping the message clear. We might explain that when a person dies, their body stops working and they no longer breathe, eat, or talk, but that our memories and feelings about them continue. The goal is to avoid euphemisms that confuse children, such as “went to sleep,” which can create unnecessary fear around bedtime.

It can help to keep a few simple principles in mind when explaining loss to children of different ages:

• Use everyday experiences as starting points for big ideas
• Offer short explanations, then pause so they can respond or ask questions
• Avoid vague phrases that might be misunderstood
• Check what they already think or know before adding more detail

Honesty is crucial, but it does not mean sharing every detail. Children need clear information at a level they can handle, delivered with reassurance that they are safe and cared for. When we say things like, “You can ask me anything, even more than once,” we let them know the topic is not off-limits and that their curiosity is welcome.

Loss also includes experiences like moving homes, changing schools, or a close friend relocating. Naming these as forms of loss validates the sadness children may feel. When we say, “It makes sense that you’re upset; this is a big change,” we teach them that their emotions are understandable and worth paying attention to.

Encouraging children to draw, tell stories, or act out scenes with toys can make these concepts more accessible. Through play and art, they process information at their own pace and in their own language. When we join them in these activities, they learn that difficult topics can be explored, not avoided.

Helping Kids Talk About Loss and Emotions

Once the idea of loss has been introduced, children need space to express how they feel. Creating emotional safety begins with our presence: a calm tone, relaxed posture, and unhurried time together. Even small signals, like putting away distractions and sitting at their eye level, show that we are fully available.

Active listening is one of the most powerful tools we have. When children talk, we can focus on hearing their words without immediately correcting or fixing. A simple “I’m glad you told me that” or “That sounds really hard” acknowledges their courage in speaking up. Reflecting their feelings back to them helps them recognize and name what is happening inside.

Some children struggle to talk directly, especially when emotions feel big or confusing. Giving them alternative ways to communicate can lower the pressure and still move the conversation forward. Creative outlets often feel safer than a face-to-face, question-and-answer talk.

Helpful options for expression can include:

• Drawing a “feelings picture” about the person or situation they miss
• Making up stories where a character goes through a similar loss
• Using dolls, stuffed animals, or action figures to act out goodbyes
• Writing short notes or letters to the person or pet who is gone

Older children and teens may prefer journaling, texting thoughts to a trusted adult, or talking while doing another activity like walking or driving. These indirect settings can make it easier to say things that would feel too intense in a formal sit-down conversation. When they share, we can ask gentle follow-up questions that invite reflection rather than push for specific answers.

Modeling emotional expression is equally important. When we calmly say, “I feel sad today because I miss Grandma,” we show that strong feelings are not something to hide or be ashamed of. Children learn that emotions are part of being human, not a sign of weakness or something to fix immediately.

Over time, these practices teach children that their inner experiences matter and can be spoken aloud. They begin to understand that grief is not just one feeling but a shifting mix of sadness, anger, confusion, and even moments of relief or happiness. 

Supporting Children Through Grief

Supporting children through grief is not a single conversation; it is an ongoing process. One of the most stabilizing things we can offer is a sense of continuity. Keeping daily routines as steady as possible helps ground children in something familiar when so much else feels uncertain.

Within those routines, flexibility still matters. Some days a child might need extra time to talk or cry; other days they may want more play and distraction. Following their cues, while keeping basic structure in place, shows them that life can hold both sadness and normalcy side by side.

Inviting children to participate in memorials and rituals can also be deeply healing. Instead of being kept on the sidelines, they can have active roles that give them a sense of connection and meaning. This participation reminds them that they still have a relationship with the person they’ve lost, even though it now looks different.

You might consider gentle ways to involve children in remembering and honoring a loss, such as:

• Choosing a favorite photo to frame or place in a special spot
• Helping plan a simple ritual like lighting a candle or sharing a memory
• Creating a small keepsake box with letters, drawings, or mementos
• Marking meaningful dates with a shared activity that feels comforting

Children also learn a great deal from watching how adults cope. When we reach out to friends, attend support groups, practice self-care, or seek counseling, we show that asking for help is a wise choice, not a sign of failure. This modeling gives them permission to seek support when they need it, now and in the years ahead.

Checking in regularly, even after the initial shock of the loss has passed, is another important part of support. Grief can resurface around anniversaries, holidays, or new milestones. Simple questions like, “How are you feeling about everything these days?” or “Do you ever think about Grandpa when we do this?” can open doors for deeper sharing.

Most of all, children benefit from knowing that their grief does not make them a burden. When we consistently respond with patience, empathy, and steadiness, they learn that their feelings are not too much. That message can stay with them long after the hardest moments have eased, shaping how they treat themselves and others in times of pain.

Related: Healing Through Words: How Writing Can Aid in Recovery

Gentle Tools For Hard Conversations

As we walk with children through loss, we are doing more than getting them through a difficult moment. We are teaching them that emotions, even the heaviest ones, can be faced honestly and held with care. These early lessons shape how they will approach change, disappointment, and grief throughout their lives.

To support families in this work, I wrote It’s OK To Cry as a resource that blends clear language, practical strategies, and stories that children can relate to. The book is designed to help adults start conversations, answer difficult questions, and validate feelings without becoming overwhelmed by what to say next. It offers step-by-step guidance that can be picked up and used in real moments, not just in theory.

Let your child be heard and healed — join me, Daniel Hamel, and discover compassionate tools through It’s OK To Cry to help your family talk about loss, honor feelings, and grow stronger together. 

By choosing resources that center compassion and clarity, you give the children in your life something lasting: the confidence that their feelings matter and that they never have to face them alone.